Unsolved Mysteries: Pizzagate

It’s been more than a decade since the infamous pizzagate controversy unfolded during the first QCC. Finally a break in the case, thanks to technological advancements in caller ID, gives us deeper insights into just what went down that fateful night.

A group of mild-mannered golfers retreated to the trips’ HQ famished after a long day on the links and decided to order a pizza before retiring for the evening. While patiently waiting for the delivery they opted to utilize the private hot tub to relieve stress from being on their feet all day.

We can only piece together the details from fragmented, first-hand accounts of surviving witnesses:

11:16pm - EC places order for delivery. Incredible find considering every option was closed.

12:26am - Group discussion, questioning why the pizza order is taking so long.

12:37am - Hotel security informs group that pool has been closed for 5+ hours, again.

12:52am - AK receives a call from the delivery boy stating he will arrive shortly.

12:53am - AK pulls a crisp $5 bill out of his wallet, preparing a handsome tip to the driver.

1:47am - Group is so hungry they begin rolling up Blom in his mattress like a burrito.

2:16am - Pizza boy calls again to state he is 5min out.

2:28am - Search and rescue mission is dispatched, still no signs of the pie.

5:25am - Search party disbands for the night. Everyone is still hungry.

5:26am - AK has clarity as consciousness fades. EC is behind all of this. There was no pizza.

7:15am - Alarm clock goes off. The bus leaves in 15 minutes.